And So It Goes

Thursday Afternoon 
January 9, 2014
Throwback Thursday



I just listened to Karrin Allyson's cover of Billy Joel's hymn-like song on the radio and every time I hear anyone sing it, I'm reminded of my mother. She loved this song and was so very fond of Billy Joel. We spoke of this "And So It Goes" in her last days and she asked me to print out the lyrics for her to read. I've often wondered who my mother thought of, or if she thought of anyone when considering these words. Perhaps she simply liked the melody. Along with too many other questions I never asked, I'll never know. 

And So It Goes
In every heart there is a room 
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense 
And still I feel I said too much 
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.

When she was in her hospital bed, shortly after her diagnosis, before she went home for her last two months with us, she told me she couldn't get the song "Softly As I Leave You" out of her head. She liked the Andy Williams cover best. 

Softly, As I leave You

Softly, 
I will leave you softly
For my heart would break
If you should wake and see me go
So I leave you softly, long before you miss me
Long before your arms can beg me stay
For one more hour or one more day
After all the years, I can't bear the tears to fall
So, softly as I leave you there
(Softly, long before you kiss me)
(Long before your arms can beg me stay)
(For one more hour)
Or one more day
After all the years, I can't bear the tears to fall
So, softly as I leave you there
As I leave I you there
As I leave I you there

My life often felt like a soundtrack was dramatizing the background. My mother had songs for this and my father had songs for that. My brothers and I were musically talented and some of us actually did something with our gift. There were often singalongs around the piano and both my father and maternal grandfather were constantly whistling, humming or singing, Grandpa sometimes in Danish. The kitchen radio was always on. Stacks of 78's, 45's and LP's gathered little dust. My brother's bands practiced in our basement, and sometimes famous people were in attendance. The music was encouraged. The scent of pot smoking was not. 

At Christmastime, our family has a holiday, one of which I have ceased to attend, that ends with a hootenanny. Some are entertainers; others simply entertained. Since Mom is no longer with us, it just ain't the same for me, even though in her later years, she was in bed long before the keyboards and strings made their appearance. 

My voice cracks now when I try to reach high notes and my whistler needs to be frequently wetted to make anything but tweeting noises. 

I've become whimsical and melancholy when listening to tunes such as these. 


click on the links below to hear:

Billy Joel "And So It Goes"

Andy Williams "Softly As I leave You"